LA Times Switches to All-Wiki Format in 11th-Hour Battle for Life
In a desperate attempt to stop the involuntary leakage of its readership, the slightly less-old gray lady has tried the Depends of new media, embracing a technology that almost spelt its d-e-a-t-h in bright blue hyperlinked Arial.
The Los Angeles Times has consolidated with the Chicago Tribune and the New Stanton Occasional Telegraph to form The Los Wikiless Timespedia, a wiki-based newspaper entirely created by its readers. (Mike L. sucks sez NikiSosa84.)
The LA Times on the Telly
"Reading the Times," a 1960s publishing experiment to put the Los Angeles Times on the then New Media of Television. (KNXT-TV, Archives, Bldg 17a, Sub-Basement) [Includes audio]
"We tried basically all the gimmicks we know," said new Editor-in-Chief Tony Cahter, recently promoted from the depleted typesetting staff. "Different fonts. Moving Marmaduke to the front page. Everything."
The wiki news system allows readers to enter and edit articles as they please.
"If you see an article you don't like or don't agree with, just change it. Then if the next person doesn't like that, they can change it back. We call it an editocracy."
When reached at his new office in the Pico and La Brea Starbucks, former Editor Ed LeBlanc said, "Perhaps you should look up the meaning of the word 'Pandering,' you might find a picture of the LA Times' owners."
However, when we consulted the Wikipedia entry on pandering, we found only pictures of panda bears and William Shatner.
"Give it over to the people and you know what you'll get -- pictures of Britney, stories about that Whinehouse Girl, you know, tabloid crap," said Senior News Crony Bobby Cox Jr., found sleeping in MacArthur Park under a stack of old Sunday comics.
So far newspaper sales have increased slightly, possibly due to the increasing attention the laid-off journalists and editors have been lavishing on their various cockatoos and other wild birds.
Following strict Wiki bylaws, the former LA Times building will soon be open to all for commercial and residential purposes, dependent only on the current version of the Wikiless' wikilease.
To supplant lost advertising revenue, the Timespedia has been monetizing by selling words on the wikis to corporate sponsors.
When asked how they planned to adapt the wiki technology to the news format, Editor Harry Stevens looked away toward the rusted speaker of his vintage Victrola, spinning beside his stereographic spectacles.
"It's kind of like when they came out with TV. We just held the newspaper up to the cameras. In fact, my grandfather was in charge of turning the pages. He had great hands."
KNXT2, Channel 60, UHF, broadcast between the years 1961 and 1963. The channel frequency was eventually purchased by Cal Tech as a radiation test channel.
Stevens, incidentally, has recently been promoted from the Advertising Department, to oversee Op-Ed and Obituaries.
There's no other way to say it. I tried to spell it out in your grape nuts. With blueberries. But you never looked away from your newspaper. Not long enough to read the writing in the nuts. So maybe now that this newspaper is on that machine of yours, you'll have to deal with me face to face. So here I am.
I don't mean to get all up in your face.
And did you pick up my prescription and my ointment?
[WHICH OF YOU CHICAGO-TOUTING FASCISTS PUT THIS COMMA HERE?]
and Santa Barbara linked to one psycho by Debbie "shouldn't" Quitskol
[Editor's Note: This article was contested by just about every reader. As a result, it was the only one interesting enough for me to edit. See my notes in ALL CAPS.]
A computer-generated artist's composite rendering of Mort Johannsen based on eye-witness accounts and wiki-log update histories
Mort Johannsen, known to neighbors, friends, [THIS COMMA IS AN OUTRAGE] and family as an unassuming, friendly, [ANOTHER PRECIOUS PICA LOST!] and courteous botanist, turned up bloody-handed at the bi-monthly Beach Clean-up in Redondo Beach last Wednesday, Thursday, [FOR ALL THAT IS STRUNK AND WHITE!] or Friday.
Police refrained from comment, but my sister-in-law has it on good authority from her hair dresser that his wife has been missing for years. [Technically, this is not true. It has been less than one year.---mortjplants2000]
Mr. Jorge Martinez, Johannsen’s fourth grade teacher from Skeleton Elementary in Pervine, said, “I always knew Mort would murder somebody. He was the worst student in the class.”
{That is NOT what I said! Not even close. Didn’t you know that I was going to read this? What I said was: “Mort was a straight-A student, an extraordinary athlete, [ET TU, MR. MARTINEZ?] and a marvelous human being.” And no, you can’t quote me.}
Johannsen, who is tow-headed, blue-eyed, [BAD COMMA, BAD!] and tall and SINGLE?! (hello! He murdered his wife), slipped away before police could apprehend him, and his whereabouts are unknown.
Mortie! Call me: 626-555-1212
If you see this stud, report him immediately to the nearest authority, police official,, [TWO COMMAS?! YOU’RE KILLING ME!] or deputy officer at 626-555-1212.
The Los Wikiless Timespedia: all the free news that anyone can edit.
Today's featured picture
I just drew this bat. I'm quite happy with it. It looks so much more like a bat than my last picture -- that the emo kid in chemistry said looked like Amy Winehouse on adderall.
